I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She bit a glass in half.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
