Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
