I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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