ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
