Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
