I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize