After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
