last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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