Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
