She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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