The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
