Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
