Please don't use social media to get back at me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
