What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
