Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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