how hairy? two words: wookie tits
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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