put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize