i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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