don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You took a bar mat shot.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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