Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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