Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
