ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I didn't notice because vodka
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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