I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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