the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
