Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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