Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
