and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
