If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
