Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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