i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
