I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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