we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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