I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I'm really busy with my period
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