People in love make me want to vomit
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
