let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
