Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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