we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
