Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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