i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
