You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
