Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
