areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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