just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
