Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
