No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
