He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
