I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
