Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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