Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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