just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
