i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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