I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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