i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
