During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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