I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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