I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
