Banned from zoo.
Again?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize