weddingsv make me drug and hornr
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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