Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
