True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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