The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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