you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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