we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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