I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize