He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
