Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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