I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Randomize
