i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize