the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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