oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
