so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
