I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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