My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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