Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
