just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
