i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
