My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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