i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
