i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
