so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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