he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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