i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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