oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
