the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
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