What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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