I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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