My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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