Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
