I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
