i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
