I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
