On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
