So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Are we still banned from the library?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize