Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
