My underwear smells like fireworks.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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